There’s a lot of talk these days about building self-esteem.
We worry if we’ve hurt it in our kids or if ours has been damaged. Frankly, be more concerned about self-confidence.
Here’s the difference: Self-esteem is how positive we feel about ourselves or our self-love. Self-confidence, on the other hand, is a dynamic force that we can actively cultivate and strengthen. It is not a fixed state, but a journey of self-discovery and growth. It is built by our actions: Our willingness to test our abilities to handle life, people and the situations that come at us daily—pushing forward knowing that we cannot necessarily predict the outcome.
Self-confidence is not a static state, like a noun. It is a verb, an active force that we can harness to navigate life’s challenges. It develops from our choices and actions in situations involving ourselves and others. Self-confidence is the foundation necessary for building self-esteem, and it is the key to resilience and capability.
We have each had countless challenges that have tested our abilities to cope, overcome, surmount and thrive. These challenges, far from being setbacks, are the very building blocks of our self-confidence. If we allow ourselves to see our past history kindly and clearly, we’d see mountains of proof confirming that we’ve gotten stronger every year and honed immense capabilities for navigating life’s challenges.
Self-esteem follows self-confidence. It results from knowing that each challenge tested the strength of our self-confidence. The more we are challenged and can confirm that we can handle a myriad of experiences, the more self-confidence builds. Self-esteem grows when we can reflect on how we managed those challenges and accept the proof that we “passed those tests.” In other words, self-confidence is the process, and self-esteem is the result.
Self-confidence should not be confused with being egotistical. It’s not about arrogance or superiority, but a quiet, inner assurance that comes from understanding our abilities, realizing we have the potential to use our talents and improve upon them, and knowing we’re OK because we’ll be learning along the way no matter what happens. Our self-confidence, and ultimately our self-esteem, builds on the personal acknowledgment that we’ve accumulated lots of experience worthy of our esteem.
