If during a conversation someone repeats the same thing three or more times, you’ve received essential information regarding what’s really on their mind. Start listening extra closely if you want to get to the heart of the matter, the root of the issue, or gain a deeper understanding of another. Failure to do so may result in misunderstanding or miscommunication.
The phrase could be anything, like: ‘I’m fine’ to ‘I’m not sure’. Listen closely to what others say and, more importantly, to what they repeat. They may begin repeating a word or phrase verbatim, or switch it up slightly. However, what is repeated is a clear indication of what another person is thinking, what is bothering them, what is making them happy or not, and why they are satisfied in the relationship or debating it.
I’ve employed this listening strategy for over 30 years in my business and personal conversations. It is the best way to identify an issue, if one exists, so the relationship can progress positively and peacefully.
Of course, it’s up to us, as listeners, to thoughtfully ask, interpret, delve, and perhaps respond. And for example, if X = a person, place, thing, idea, situation… the questions can be something like: “X seems to be on your mind, what are you thinking about that?” or “You mentioned X a few times, how do you feel about that?” or “Is X concerning you for some reason?”
At every age of life, communication with others is a challenge. We all grew up differently and interpreted situations differently. Relationships grow by attempting to understand the concerns, struggles, likes, loves, interests & fascinations of others. Relationships falter when we assume we know another and fail to realize that every day they are thinking & changing as much as we are — even if it’s not apparent.
Finally, remember that this technique isn’t just for understanding others. It can also be a powerful tool for self-discovery. By listening closely to our own thoughts and words, we can uncover what’s truly on our minds, leading to greater self-awareness and personal growth.
© Dian Griesel 2025 Perception Dynamics
