Several of you have asked me to address falling out of love. While I don’t have all the reasons or answers for that eternal question, I do have some thoughts.
I think falling in love is relatively easy. There’s joy, bliss, physical attraction, the urge to nuzzle, the discovery and newness of another, the unity we feel with our agreement on so many things as we start to dream together.
Then one day it happens: A moment arises and we feel rejection in some way and hear the word “No.” Our trust is shaken. We sense a bit of retraction and pulling away. We are startled, hurt and either retreat or push into “let me fix this” mode.
Suddenly we’re reminded that while we thought the other person was “the one,” we are not exactly “one.” We’re almost surprised to find that the other is a separate being. They have certain wants, desires and boundaries…but different. We realize their voice is not in sync and isn’t exactly one-in-the-same with ours anymore.
Now, to stay in a loving state, we have to move into a new level of respect: Respect for individuality, moods, opinions, beliefs, choices and more. Some of this we will like. Other parts we won’t.
And you know what? Not only are we struggling to expand our sense of love into full-on respect…so is the other person.
It’s hard to share affection — not just when we feel like it and it’s convenient— but when another needs it, which, coincidentally, is often when we’re finding their actions least lovable.
Like I said, I don’t have the answers…but I think to stay in love, everyone has to keep trusting, respecting, and working to find those things we admire in another…even when that other is being as annoying as gnats. Staying committed, one moment at a time, so we can surf the crashing and sometimes colossal waves of emotions that we all experience.
“Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.” – C. S. LEWIS
© Dian Griesel 2026 Perception Dynamics Inc.
