Many people DM me and ask: “How can I be happy when I live with someone who is controlling?”
First: Let me unequivocally state my following answer does not apply to actual physical or mental abuse — in such cases, get professional help immediately.
But let’s say we’re talking about the more common feeling or sense of being “controlled” — like when another is actually just being the more dominant personality in the relationship or conversation.
Here’s my thinking about this: I believe every person we encounter is a teacher in one way or another. The minute we find ourselves getting annoyed about anything? Class is in session. If we are open to learning, other people are often teaching us something we might need to explore more deeply about ourselves. Our reactions, thoughts, likes & dislikes, fears and more are each clues worthy of study.
So when it comes to feeling “controlled,” certainly not in all, but in plenty of situations we are allowing ourselves to be or feel dominated. This may be perfectly acceptable to us. But if it’s not OK, then it’s time to ask ourselves “WHY am I not speaking up? What do I have to lose? Am I afraid of something? Is my current opinion important enough to express or do I just want to listen?” Ask yourself whatever needs to be asked to find your answers. Ultimately within our personal relationships we each must decide when we need to speak up if necessary. And if it’s necessary, start speaking up. You have nothing to lose and plenty to gain.
© 2024 Dian Griesel
