Love and approval are distinct concepts that often get mixed up, fused & merged together. While they can coexist, I don’t believe they are always synonymous. Where love is a profound, unconditional emotional connection, rooted in acceptance, compassion & care for another person — approval revolves around granting validation, endorsement, or acceptance based on certain criteria or behaviors. Approval may be contingent on meeting expectations. While theoretically love accepts and cherishes individuals unconditionally, approval can be conditional. It is helpful to understand the areas of distinction to develop genuine connections & self-acceptance.
Love and approval conflicts usually arise in a few areas. All personal relationships can experience disconnects that feel like a tug of war. We may love our kids dearly, but not love choices they are making. While we may be trying our best to accept & love a partner unconditionally — we may disapprove of certain habits or behaviors. Excessive drinking or gambling is an example. One might love their partner, yet find it difficult to approve or endorse such behaviors, leading to a conflict between their love and their desire for their partner to change or improve. When a partner or friend decides to make a significant lifestyle change (there are too many possible choices to list here!) outright disapproval or struggles to understand the decision may develop. Certainly conflicts can arise. Career decisions might also raise challenges. Imagine someone desirous of a career in the arts, such as painting or acting. They may genuinely feel fulfilled by such artistic pursuits. However, parents, spouses, roommates or other may disapprove of these career choices, believing them to be impractical or financially unstable – particularly if such choices add to the responsibilities or stress load of others.
So what’s my point? All relationships require direct communication, compromises, individual self-respect by all and mutual respect for the relationship. There will be times a compromise is the only way forward. And compromises are best comprised by strong, self-respecting and other-respecting people who want the best outcome for all concerned.
Thanks for visiting! I’m Dian Griesel, Ph.D. aka @SilverDisobedience I am a perception analyst & hypnotherapist who works with private clients to help increase their awareness of how perceptions impact everything we do whether personally or professionally. Book an appointment here.
I share inspiring and actionable ideas for free via my podcast, on my website: DianGriesel.com and also on my social media accounts which you might like to follow.
