Throughout life, we’ve all been told “Don’t do that” by various well-meaning others who shared and continue to share their “Don’t do it” opinions. They could have done so to keep us safe; to control our behaviors; to manage our energy when theirs was lacking due to life demands; and to get us to do what they wanted or were afraid of enjoying themselves.
We have been the recipient of plenty of “don’ts.” And if we’re being sincere, at this stage of life, we’ve likely shared well-intended (but not necessarily well-considered) “don’ts” with many others, including our children.
The result of a lifetime of “don’ts” is that deep down, we all question who we are, our abilities, our strengths and even our general likability or worthiness. We may even believe that if we “do” instead of “don’t,” others might think we’re being selfish.
Trusting ourselves to do what we want to do is okay. Who we are and what we want is not wrong or greedy or any other negative, judgmental adjective. It is who we are and what we want, period. If you believe otherwise, it’s time to get out of this trap because that’s all it is: A trap that keeps our identity stuck in thinking that we need to be like others—and that to be liked by others, we need to do what they want.
Today is a good day to begin releasing ourselves from don’t-do-it conditioning in any area of our lives where it might still be lingering. Here’s why: 1) Holding on to conditioned don’ts, without considering their impact on our lives today, is a weak attempt to shift the responsibility of living our lives from ourselves to other outside forces. 2) It denies the fact that as a one-of-a-kind being, our self-ish self can know what we need and want to live a fulfilled life, which is our responsibility to humanity.
Next time you hear yourself or another saying “don’t,” ask, “Why not?”
It might be terrific, important advice such as: “No, you don’t want to jump off a bridge!” But it might also be old conditioning or outdated information about fears—our own or others— that are worthy of examination.
Only you can decide why you’re holding onto “Don’t do it.” It’s your life to determine what you want and need to do—and what you think suits you.
I’m Dian Griesel, Ph.D. aka @SilverDisobedience I am a perception analyst, hypnotherapist, author of books and a creative who works both sides of the camera. For 30 years I have helped my clients to achieve greater understanding as to how perceptions impact everything we do whether personally or professionally. Text to book an appointment: 212-825-3210
I share inspiring and actionable ideas for free via my podcast, on my website: DianGriesel.com and also on my social media accounts which you might like to follow.
